The Making of a Modern Family
by Lawi01
Summary: Ten years of marriage and what have they got to show for it? A collection of short stories from different character viewpoints. Sequel to 'She's a Lady' and based on the video diaries from the comedy 'Modern Family'. T for safety :L AU.
1. Alice

**A/N: Things that didn't fit into the summary…**

**Each of the chapters are going to be written from a different character's point of view because this whole thing is based on the video diaries from **_**Modern Family **_**:P**

**Also, this is just a really quick thing I scribbled down because I got a few sequel requests for **_**She's a Lady**_**, so it won't be quite as big as the first one :L**

**Don't kill me over chapter length. I just wrote down as much as I could think of XD**

**Enjoy!**

Ten years doesn't make marriage any easier.

With time comes other things. First comes the marriage, then the house, then the 'let's get to know the in-laws' stage (which inevitably will turn into a huge disaster), then the dog, and then the dog isn't good enough so along comes the kid.

Fortunately, I have been spared of three of these things: Oz already had a house, and it was big, so we were sweet for that one. Both of our mothers are dead or missing and we both hate our dads so we were in no rush to go visit them, so that was great too. We didn't get a dog either because his uncle's allergic, and lame as it sounds we live with him. And as an added bonus, we (meaning I) didn't have to pick up endless piles of crap all over the lawn and there was no fur to vacuum off all the couches.

That just leaves the kid.

My name's Alice Baskerville. I'm twenty-five years old and I've been married for ten years to Oz Vessalius, the heir to the Vessalius fortune. I'm an heiress, but my father disowned me after the marriage. We live together at the Vessalius mansion with his uncle, Oscar, who's really cool, and my cat Cheshire, who Oz's best friend hates. I'm also five months pregnant, which is so much worse than other women- or men- think.

If I was a low-life, prejudiced, selfish bitch- which I'm not- I would've gotten rid of the kid. I didn't out of the goodness of my heart, but I'm starting to second guess myself. Oz is proud to brag to all his dunderhead mates that his wife isn't obsessed with models and clothes and stuff, and he's right, but I don't think there's a woman on earth who would actually enjoy looking like a whale, even if it was for the sake of human life. And Oz's best mate's daughter- who, mind, is also twenty-five- is endlessly telling me how lucky I am and rubbing my swollen stomach, which is really uncomfortable for me. And the little bugger is constantly kicking. Oz had told me countless times that the noises I make when the little thing attempts to bust through my stomach make it sound like I'm already going into labour.

I'm not looking forward to that, either. I'd rather stay five months pregnant forever than sit in a hospital bed screaming my head off and cutting off the circulation to Oz's hand while strange people in face masks poke my lady bits. I've seen enough movies to know it's painful. And Oz thought he'd be a top bloke by buying me heaps of pregnancy books. Most of them had way too much information and way too many diagrams. I almost threw up all the crap I've been eating the past five months.

That's alright, I guess. I get to eat whatever I want and it's OK because I'm pregnant. Everything except alcohol, anyway. But that's not so bad. Oz really was a top bloke this time because he promised he wouldn't drink at all for the next nine months which me, which was nice. Of course, I can't stay in the same room as Gil now for different reasons than usual- the man smokes like a steam train. It's gross, baby or not. There are heaps of pills, too. Oz is really paranoid about them and watches me like a hawk to make sure I'm having the right dosage and everything. And then he locks them away in this secret place that only he knows (it's the medicine cupboard, Sharon told me).

There's one other plus, though. When we first got married, Oz and I went about the whole thing like we were just going out like normal fifteen year olds. But when we turned twenty, we had another wedding, for real. This time we went on an actual honeymoon and it just seemed so much more natural than it had ten years ago. After that we started sleeping in the same bed and everything like a normal married couple. That probably sounds really weird, but it's nice because every night when I go to bed I know Oz is right beside me. The other thing is that every single night for the past five months, right before I go to sleep, he just leans over and kisses my fat stomach- or rather, the baby that's inside it. It's nice to go to sleep knowing that of all the babies to have I'm having his.

But yeah. Mushiness aside, pregnancy kind of sucks.


	2. Oz

Having a pregnant wife isn't so bad.

I mean, she's been much worse. Like, when we first met for instance. You know, she used to throw her shoe at me every time she entered a room that I was in. Now she can't even bend over to take her shoe off. It got better after we got married, but she's still Alice. Mouthy, rude, honest, clueless. I guess her being pregnant both makes those little tweaks in her personality both better and worse.

The mood swings make everything ten times worse. She goes from being clinically depressed to unreasonably furious to frighteningly loving to out-of-control happy about ten times a day. It's exhausting to try and keep up with her. But then, once she's had her 'moments' she apologizes and makes up for it by being really quiet, which is brilliant. At least she's not some sort of selfish bitch who always thinks she's in the right when she has a mood swing.

I think Gil is taking it much harder than I am, for different reasons. I mean, he's thirty-five and I don't think I've ever seen him in the same room as a girl apart from Alice and Sharon. He boasts about his 'lady man' talents from when I was in prison, but even if that is true he is a completely different guy now. Plus, even though we're technically meant to be the same age, it looks like not only is his best friend ten years younger than him but also more successful than him. I mean, not all people can pull off being married _and _expecting a kid by the age of twenty-five. I really miss Gil. This whole pregnancy thing has me really busy. When her moods aren't out of control, she's on pills, and when she's not on pills she's complaining and she's _always _uncomfortable. It's my job as the genuinely loving husband to take care of her when she like that, and she's always like that. I've hardly spoken to Gil in the past five months. I'm too busy running around getting pills and pillows and food and all those baby books Alice seems to be avoiding.

At the risk of being murdered, though, I brought it up with Alice. Luckily for me, though, she had just had a huge mood fit and was making up for it by being as agreeable as possible. She was a bit reluctant about not having me around to take care of her, but she agreed to let me and Gil go out for a few hours that night. She was left in the capable hands of Sharon, and even though I have confidence in her she looked really scared when Gil and I took off.

Dear God, it was awful. We talked for a bit, which was great because we haven't done that in a while, and then we played pool, and I whopped him, so he got depressed because not only was I married and expecting a kid at twenty-five, but I was also better than him at pool. So then, taking into his account his accumulated misery over the past five months he drank himself stupid. Throughout the night he threw up at least six times, twice on me. Gil's an emotional sap when he's drunk so he decided to offload five months' worth of emotional baggage onto me, which made me feel terrible about myself. Then _I _had to drive _his _car home and the only reason I crashed into the stop sign is because he was constantly yelling in my ear about how to drive the bloody thing.

When we got back, I let Gil crash on the first couch he found and then covered him with a blanket because I'm a top bloke and it's winter. When I got back to 'our' part of the house, Sharon was watching a movie even though Alice seemed to also have crashed on the couch. I offered to pay Sharon for her premature baby-and-mum-sitting, but she refused and then left to find a guest room and bunk there for the night. That was when Alice 'woke up', had a bit of a moan to me before really falling asleep.

At any rate, the lessons learned from that little outing are thus:

Not drinking was probably a good idea. Gil needs to get out of the house more often. Sharon is awfully gullible and hasn't grown up much since we first met. Attempting to be a top bloke by carrying your pregnant wife up to bed is never a good idea. Being a top bloke by staying on the couch with her all night, on the other hand, is sure to earn you a reward when you wake up.


	3. Sharon

I thought last night went pretty well, actually.

I got some movies (because Alice isn't good for much else these days) and a lot of food (because Alice tends to eat a lot these days) and promised Oz at least a thousand times that I'd call him if anything happened (like it would- it's only been five months!) and then we set up camp in her and Oz's lounge room.

It's not much I get to go out of the house these days. Break is creepily paranoid- whether it's the father in him or the fact that he just wants to spite me because that's the kind of guy he is, I don't know. The only men he lets within a ten-mile radius of me are himself (obviously), Oz (who is _married_ and expecting a child), Gil (who's ten years my senior- awkward) and Uncle Oscar (who is seriously my senior, so that's just gross). The most exciting thing I get to do nowadays is duck down to the local shops down the road to get him more sweets, and even then I have to wear tracksuit pants and a sweatshirt to 'throw people off'. God he's a pain, but he's my dad. It's weird, because ten years ago I would have been begging for this kind of attention. It's flattering and all, but dear God it's annoying.

Anyway. First thing I saw when I walked into the Vessalius mansion lastnight was Uncle Oscar. He's not actually my uncle, naturally, but he's such an uncle-y figure that I just call him that anyway. The second thing I saw is that he has a cane. Poor bloke. Break mentioned something about Parkinson's or arthritis or something. Definitely doesn't deserve it, but he's not letting it get him down either. The cheery old chap reminded me how to get to Oz and Alice's bit of the house and I set off. A lot of maids stared at the huge bundle of food in my arms as I passed, but I just told them that it was for Alice and not to judge me.

At any rate, I found my way there eventually. Oz thanked me a gazillion times (he's _such _a sweetheart) and I made awkward small talk to Gil while he organized something with Alice. Gil's nice and all, but he's been really depressed the last few months. Since Alice got pregnant, now that I think about it. And Break isn't helping because naturally he just teases poor Gilbert about everything. There're a million improvements we could make on Break. Personally, I'd like him to find a woman he's actually devoted to and marry her and let her move in. I don't care if I'm twenty-five, I want a mum. And then he could stop being so over-protective. And _then _he could stop teasing Gilbert. And then he could stop eating all of our cake.

Back to Alice. Oz made me promise to ring him or Gil up ("Preferably me," he muttered when Gil wasn't looking. "Gil'll be drunk as a sailor before we even get there, and I'm the dad-to-be anyway.") if anything happened with Alice (which I promised him it wouldn't, because Alice is only five months pregnant) and then he tried to pay me for all the stuff I'd gotten (but I told him not to because it's just what friends do) and then Alice told them that if they didn't rack off now there wouldn't be any point in their leaving because the bar would be closed by the time they got there (and it's OK for her to say that because she's pregnant).

The guys _finally _left and I set up next to Alice. I was so excited- who wouldn't be if one of their best friends was pregnant?- and picked out a movie (I planned it out really carefully this time: no romantic films, no chick flicks, none of that stuff because I know she hates it) and curled up on the couch in a blanket. Alice stayed conscious about long enough to eat almost all of the food I had brought before crashing on the couch. I finished most of the food she neglected and finished a few other movies too.

My down-time really got me thinking, though. Alice was so _lucky_. I mean, she was having a _baby_. A baby! Not everyone gets to have kids, start their own family. She always whines about it and I suppose it'd be no holiday, but wouldn't it just be great? And with a couple like Oz and Alice there must be this huge stability between them. I cried a little bit when I thought about how blank and empty my future was but then one of the guys on the TV said something really funny so I laughed and forced myself to forget about it. After that I crashed on the couch next to Alice. Oz woke me up a few hours later looking tired and bedraggled. He tried to pay me again, I refused again and then I left.

So yeah. Apart from the pity party, lastnight was pretty cool.


	4. Gilbert

_-Three months later-_

I think this whole pregnancy thing is disgustingly overrated.

I mean, who _really _wants to blow themselves up to ten times the size of a fully-grown whale and spend nine months eating and screaming and crying and being sick in the morning just for the sake of a squalling baby? I mean, all they do is cry, eat, sleep, spew and poop, and that's about it. Woman are painful at the best of times, but pregnancy just makes everything worse.

Take Alice, right? She's rude, inconsiderate and selfish without an eight-month old human being floating around in amniotic acid in her belly. Said eight-month old human being is the lucky one, to be honest. He-she-_it _doesn't have to suffer its mother's constant moaning and complaining and such, preserved as it is in her enormous belly.

And when the thing finally squeezes itself out, it'll only get worse, mark my words. I mean, I hardly see Oz anymore as it is. With a baby on his hands I bet he'll get grey hairs long before he should. The kid's not even with us yet and I can already see huge bags under his eyes. It's not natural. How can he not see what Alice is doing to him? I mean, I never knew there was necessarily a _plan _to have a kid. Sure, Alice is going through all the pain, but then she's just offloading it onto him with her complaints and whines, keeping him up at night more than that bloody baby ever will.

But it's OK because he _loves _her. Dunno what he sees in her, but one bat of those big eyes and she has him wrapped around her little finger. I wonder if he knows how pathetic he is. He always ducks around, trying to help her do every little thing because she incapable because she's pregnant, but we can all see right through it. The way he goes all doe-eyed… It's pathetic.

And at the risk of sounding like a prissy schoolgirl, it's not like I even have Oz as a best friend anymore. Things were different when he got out of Abyss ten years ago and there was that awkward age gap, but it wasn't that bad. He's just become so much more distant since he got married. It's always _Alice this _and _Alice that_. Soon it'll be about the kid. And then they'll get all independent and move into one of the big villas in the country and I'll be back to babysitting Oscar or hanging around at Break's all day and listening to Sharon rant about the latest celebrity scandal or accompanying Sharon to the shops to buy Break some more food because he doesn't trust Sharon with anyone else except himself.

Makes me wonder, though, what would things be like if Oz hadn't been put in prison? Entirely different, I expect. Oz'd still be running around, exploding Lord Vessalius' property to get attention and vengeance, still be luring poor, innocent girls into some desolate alley. And me? I'd still be lingering awkwardly by his side, reproachful on the inside but supportive on the outside. But we'd still be friends. He would never have met Alice, he certainly wouldn't be having a bloody _baby _with anyone and _we'd still be friends. _

Call me paranoid, but it feels like Oz is almost _avoiding _me lately. Ever since Alice let us go out a couple of months ago he's been giving me funny looks and opening his mouth like he wants to say something but then pretending that he heard Alice whining in the next room and ducks off. I wish he'd just _do _something apart from skulking in the shadows whenever I walk into the room. It's just demoralising, you know? Like, I want to say something too, but it's just hard to when he doesn't even seem to be listening.

I even tried to talk to Sharon, but she just cut me off halfway and told me to talk to a therapist, not her. But if I can't talk to Oz, how can I possibly be expected to talk to a therapist? I don't see how a therapist could help anyway. I just need to talk to Oz. Or maybe just stop being so depressive and negative all the time. I mean, I'd hardly be surprised if I actually do end up living with Break and Sharon some day and the million cats Sharon is bound to buy because Break won't let her meet any guys. I've got the whole scenario planned out in my head, see.

I really need a life.


	5. Ada

I was so shocked when I found out Oz was having a baby.

I mean, it was surprising enough when I heard he was getting married, and now he wants to raise a family! It took a few hours for the realization that I was going to be an aunt in nine months to sink in, but when it did I went _nuts_. I ran around the entire mansion until I found Vincent and told him everything. I would've told him sooner but I don't see him so much these days. He's always working, and his work is far too important for me to interrupt it.

Vincent didn't seem quite so pumped to become an uncle as I was to be an aunt. It sort of discouraged me so I left and wondered around for a bit until I found Echo. It was alright when she was a kid, but she's about twenty now and she's still serving under Vincent. I dunno, I just think it's weird that she's finally growing up.

Anyway, I got talking to her and started thinking about how lucky Oz was to be married and staring a family of his own in the face. I mean, me and Vincent have been dating for ages now, but it doesn't even feel like a proper relationship anymore. I mean, I know that everyone thinks it's creepy, and Vincent seems to spend more time with his big brother than he does with me. I hardly ever see him anymore! Every time I try to talk to him it's like conversing with a brick wall. And looking at how happy Oz and Alice seem… it just makes me want to get married and start getting on with my life, you know? I'm already twenty-five, after all!

I tried talking to Vincent first, of course, but he was as stony as ever. He called me a silly little girl for trying to make things move too quickly. I told him that I will not be called a silly little girl and that it's been years so I'm hardly making things move too quickly. He told me he doesn't give a damn about whatever future I see with him at which point I packed a meagre bag of my meagre belongings and left. Vincent didn't seem upset to see me go, and a little bit of me wonders if I even hate him at all, but for now I need to get away from that heartless man. I'll talk with Uncle Oscar later.

For the moment, I'm crashing at Sharon's place. She's my best friend, so naturally she was the first person I thought of. I told her about what happened and I was so shocked when she told me that she felt the exact same way! I mean, about getting married and having a family and everything. We decided to go and visit Alice and Oz the next day with some food (Alice told us she's more than capable of buying her own things for the baby and that all she wants from us is food, but Sharon and I already bought some toys anyway) and then I get to talk to Uncle Oscar about Vincent.

We walked there, though the only reason Break trusted Sharon alone by herself was because I was with her. I'm so glad Oscar isn't like that. I mean, he's our equivalent to a father, seeing as my real Dad isn't really around so much these days. I haven't seen him since Oz's wedding, in fact.

Oz and Oscar greeted us at the door. Oscar looks heaps better, he's dealing with the Parkinson's really well. If I didn't know he already had it I wouldn't say he had it. Oz, on the other hand… Alice's pregnancy must really be taking its toll on him. He smiled and seemed happy enough, but we could all see the dark rings under his eyes. His hair was wildly tousled and his clothes were a mess. When we asked where Alice was, he told us she was just resting and told us to leave the food in the dining room, he'd take it to Alice later. When we asked how she was going, he said something like 'sleepless, irate, hungry and in a lot of pain'. She's huge, apparently. He looked really tense so we all sat down and had some tea and biscuits.

That was when Oz told us- he and Alice are moving out of town.

Sharon choked on her biscuit and I sprayed tea all over Oz, which Uncle Oscar found very funny. Sharon and I demanded in unison as to why, exactly, he was leaving the city, and while dabbing tea off his already disgruntled clothes he told us that he and Alice had both decided they wanted to raise the kid away from the hustle and bustle. They've already bought the house! It's not too far out, he assured us, and we could visit them anytime we wanted. They just thought it'd be better for the kid. They're moving out about a week or two after the kid's finally born, as soon as Alice is good to go, he says.

And I thought I couldn't get any more jealous! He has a wife, he has a kid on the way and he's moving out to his own house and everything! I suppose we've both been living off the Vessalius fortune- mostly Oscar- for a while now, and of course he's entitled to the fortune, but it's like he's going off on his own, into the big unknown!

Sharon and I are seething with envy.


	6. Oscar

I don't think I've ever been more proud of Oz in my life.

Him finally standing up and being reasonable about getting married to Alice was one thing. And when he told me Alice was pregnant… If it weren't for the walking stick I think I might have fallen over then and there. It did make me laugh, though, when Oz assured me that I needn't feel old, he was going to raise the kid telling him that Uncle Oscar is the grandfather, not the great uncle. Come to think of it, I don't think he's even told Zai at all. I wonder if that is right at all, but he's just so happy that I can't bear to be a party pooper by telling him that I can't be the grandfather seeing as I'm technically not his father anyway. I would've asked for godfather, but I have a feeling that that spot's reserved for Gilbert, bless his soul.

It's been eight months now, the baby's due any week. Everyone is ridiculously excited, particularly Sharon and Ada. When Gil's not drunk, he seems alright with it, I suppose. I think he's trying to ignore it, to be honest. Break is as emotionless as always. Physically, Oz look like he might collapse at any moment from exhaustion, but there's a light in his eyes that even I can see. He's excited, and we all know it. I wonder if he even realizes he's about to become a father yet.

We don't see much of Alice these days. She's taking the pregnancy harder than we thought, I think. Oz tells us that she's massive but refuses to go see a doctor, apparently she's just insisting that the baby's really fat. Ada entertained the possibility of twins, but Oz is quite sure that there is only one baby in Alice's womb at the moment. We have to do food shopping trips almost daily now, Alice is eating so much. If the baby is fat, I have no doubt that Alice will be fatter when all this is over.

The other day, Oz looked really bad. He was walking down the stairs and sort of just fell asleep on his feet. He tripped and almost cracked his head open, but Sharon chose the right moment to walk by. Which was lucky, because I wouldn't be much use if he hurt himself. I'm almost as slow as a sloth! At any rate, Sharon managed to haul him over to a sofa and I kept him up long enough to ask if he wanted me to hire someone to look after Alice. He refused, naturally. He's so stubborn, but he's also very loyal. He said that Alice is his wife, the baby is his kid, and therefore they are both his responsibility. And he said that he doesn't think Alice will take too kindly to someone else looking after her. Something about her being too proud to show weakness to anyone except Oz.

I told him to catch up on his sleep while I went up to check on Alice. Granted, Alice is a wildly unpredictably loose cannon, but I think we're reasonably close. I look enough like Oz for her to trust me, I think.

Alice has been sleeping in one of the guest rooms as of late. I think she felt bad for keeping Oz up and the move was to reduce disturbances, though I must say she's doing a pretty awful job of it. I found her alright: the room was dark and she was watching TV. There were old food wrappers everywhere and rotting apple cores littered the floor. She let me in nicely enough and didn't seem to mind much when I sat myself down.

She really is massive. The size of a whale. I had been a bit curious as to why Oz had wanted to borrow one of my old shirts the other day, but now I can see why. Not even the pregnancy shirts would be able to fit that monster.

I asked her how she was, and she said fine, but I could see the grimace on her face when she spoke. I told her about Oz and she went quiet for a while. Then she told me to tell him that she said that she's sorry when he wakes up.

"I'd tell him myself," She sighed. "But I can barely sit up, let alone stand."

Turns out, she reckons there might be twins too. It would certainly explain her size, not to mention her massive food craves. Upon closer inspection, I noticed that she was eating pickles dipped in marinara sauce, which I found rather amusing. I asked her why she didn't want to go see a doctor or go to hospital, but she said that for one thing she could hardly stand and for another she didn't want to worry Oz. And all this time we thought she was just selfishly indulging herself and shunting Oz completely.

At any rate, I promised I'd tell Oz to go up and see her when he was awake. Now my only problem is actually getting down the stairs.


	7. Alice II

**A/N: Almost there…! Anyway, just a quick question because I wanna know what you guys wanna read… Alice's baby is coming soon (just in case you hadn't realized yet) and I was wondering, d'you guys reckon the baby should be a character from Pandora Hearts or an original character? If a PH character, which one(s)? I'm gonna shut up now before I spoil everything 8D Enjoy~!**

**Oh, and sorry for the filler-y chapter. -.-" You should go read my other stuff while you're waiting ;)**

That talk with Oscar almost killed me.

I know I've been a pain in the ass to almost everyone over the last eight months. The truth is, I'm so nervous. Ever since I started swelling beyond normal size I've begun wondering if maybe I did something wrong and I've killed the baby. Part of the reason I've been so tetchy and careful and picky recently is because I'm scared I'll hurt the baby. I don't want to go to the doctors because I'm paranoid that either I or the doctors will do something wrong, even though I know that's silly.

Oscar told me everything. I was about to tell him everything too, but the only person I've sort-of confided in is Oz, which is why I'm always so picky about him being the one to come up. I felt awful afterwards and told him to ask Oz if he could come up to see me once he's woken. I don't care how long he takes, he really deserves whatever sleep he's getting now.

He took a while, and I spent most of that time trying to stand up. It was time, I decided, to man up and face the music. Face the doctors, more like. I knew that once this was all over I'd look back at the last month- most of which had been spent lying down- with a sense of immeasurable shame. It took a while, let me tell you- Oz and I don't know anything about the baby (like, gender and all that), but I'm pretty sure it's twins. It'd have to be. I'm pretty sure people don't get this huge on single babies.

I stood up eventually but I was so exhausted I sat down again. I made sure I still sat up straight, though, because if I slouched or fell back I knew I'd never get up again. Once I got my breath back I walked around the room a few times, which got easier the more I got used to it. I was about to even venture downstairs to see Oz before he came to see me but he beat me to it. He freaked when he saw me on my feet and told me to sit down, but I laughed and told him he was starting to sound like me. I told him about all my worries and paranoia and how bad I felt about everything and after a while we agreed to go see the doctors.

I can't tell you how proud I was to get down the stairs with only Oz to see me. Sharon and Ada were both hanging around for whatever reason and went ecstatic when they saw me but I could almost see the revulsion reflected beneath a layer of blind obsession in their eyes. Or maybe that was just my reflection. My face was white and pasty and a lot of the food I've been eating is starting to take its toll on me. I look an awful mess but at least I have an excuse.

The doctors was mercifully empty- I didn't want anyone else staring at me- and when they finally let me in they pulled funny faces and 'mmm-ed' and 'aah-ed', which made me more irritable than usual. Oz and I both agreed that we didn't want to know the sex of the baby, we want it to be a surprise and everything. I told the doctor so (none too politely, it has to be said) and he just told me that the baby is fine but it's probably best for me to take it easy and come back in a few weeks.

So that ended our exciting excursion to the doctors and back. It was nice to get some fresh air, though, and on the drive back Oz and I decided to drive past the new place we're looking at getting, which inevitably lead to a detour. It was sort of getting dark when we turned around and I was just about to go back to sleep when I remembered that there was actually someone else sitting next to me, someone who would take the time to drive me to and from the hospital on nothing more than a silly hunch, someone who would tell me I look great when I'm at my worst, someone who would marry and have a child with a crazy bitch like me. I told him to pull over and he panicked for a moment and then I told him everything and told him I was really sorry and _then _I started crying. I could feel him staring at me while I sobbed like a little baby, but then he just smiled and did a sort of awkward half-hug thing (it happens when you're sitting side-by-side in a car) and told me it was OK and that I'd be fine and that he doesn't mind and all that sort of stuff. I went to sleep pretty much right after that, but I felt a lot better knowing that he wasn't as mutinous as I had originally thought.

Jeez, I'm getting all mushy. I blame the baby.


	8. Break

**A/N: So I haven't updated in a while… -.-" Anyway, I'm trying to make up for it by doing a Break POV because a lot of people have asked for that 8D As always, enjoy ^w^**

So this whole baby thing is really starting to get to me.

Sharon's gone nuts. Not that Sharon wasn't always nuts, but more nuts than usual. Always going on about how lucky Alice and Oz are and throwing me a dirty look or two while she's at it. I know she's annoyed at me for not letting her 'see the world' as she likes to put it (as if letting her get as drunk as Gil is seeing the world!), and to be honest I don't even know why I bother, but I suppose she'll thank me in the end. Gilbert says I'm becoming a father, but that's all claptrap of course. I mean, Sharon's a great kid and I have admittedly decided to be nicer to her after Oz and Alice got married, but she's more like a close (not a best) friend than a daughter. I mean, it's not fatherly to not want her going and drinking herself stupid every other night. What sort of close friends wants to watch that? She's my daughter, sure, but I'm not like the stereotypical dads you see everywhere else.

Alice told Oz not to follow my example and be a better father, so there's at least someone who sees some sense. What kind of father stays at home all day eating candy? Not a good one, I'll tell you that much. Sharon's a bright one, but I suppose anyone'd be bright if their dad sent them to a crappy old school like the one I sent her to. She's never heard a bedtime story in her life or anything like that. Which means that I am _certainly _not the silly old dote of a father Oz is bound to become. If he treats this kid anything like how he treats Alice… Well, let's just say I pity him. Or her. They won't tell us which.

The way that Sharon looks at Oz all the time is bothering me too. She obviously doesn't realise it- she probably keeps telling herself it's something else- but she always looks at him like she's burning to 'have' him, so to speak. And she looks at Alice like she's about to gnaw her head off. She's jealous of the way Oz treats Alice, she always goes on about it, though not directly. Always the same thing about how she'd _love _something like what Oz and Alice have, blah, blah, blah. Like I give a damn? I've been married five times so honestly, this doesn't interest me. And besides, who wants to spend their life stuck by moral vows and whatnot to someone who might have just been drunk when they bought the ring? Of course, whenever I point that out Sharon always shoots back with 'Your drink capacity is so high that the amount of alcohol you would've had to have consumed to be drunk enough to do something like that would probably kill you'. So we can all see that she inherited _my _brains and Wife #3's looks. If it's the wife I'm thinking of, that is…

At any rate. If Alice's Little Miss Bitch UK doesn't kill me, Sharon certainly will. And if neither of _those _kill me then the reaction Alice and Oz have to being parents will. I wonder if they've actually realized they're going to be parents yet. Took me a while to get my head around that and I went though it five times. Although, to be honest, I wasn't really fazed by it. I suppose I always knew I'd dump the family by the time it had come around.

Sharon doesn't like that either. Always going on about how nice it'd be to have a mother, to have a proper family, blah de blah. I don't know where my family _or _Wife #3's is, so it's not like she has any cousins or stepsisters or grandparents or aunts or uncles to complain to. I have pointed out to her before that she does have a mother (otherwise she wouldn't really be here right now) but then she gives me the sarcastic look that I always give Gil (another brilliant trait she got from me) and says 'A live mother, you dope' before storming out and muttering to herself. She's such a drama queen, I don't know how I put up with it. She'll be a pain in the ass when she's even older.

But yeah. I'm definitely not a father figure.

**A/N: Very un-Break like, I know… I just wanted to do a chapter of 'un-fatherly' ranting, I thought it'd be funny :L And I know this one's also really filler-y but I just didn't know how to throw a random Break into the story . In short, a very crappy, uncharacteristic chapter… Will try to do MUCH better next time DX **runs away****


	9. Oz II

**A/N: Just randomly, I was listening to that 'Be A Man' song from Mulan while writing this… Man I love that song 8D So any manly references can trace their origins back to that song… ;)**

Almost ever since the day we met, Alice has made a habit of telling me to be a man, to which I usually reply that I am. In light of sort-of recent events, though, I thought it might be appropriate to take her advice and be slightly more manlier than I usually am by talking to Gil.

Ever since we went out that night a few months ago it's really been bugging me. When he was drunk he moaned to me about all these things he's been bottling up for the past eight months, maybe even longer. He's always been rather over-protective of me but now he's just saying that I'm wasting away because of Alice and the baby will 'ruin' me and how he misses being my best friend and he's sick of being lonely and how he misses 'the good old days' and how I'm Alice's slave or something and then something about Sharon and Break and cats. I've been trying to talk it out with him ever since but he's always either really drunk or I just don't know what to say so I scoot off to avoid awkwardness. I guess that's probably only making matters worse, which is why I need to do it now before the baby comes and things get worse.

He wasn't drunk, surprisingly. He was just watching TV and looking as depressed and distant as he usually does. I sat down next to him and slapped his stomach and told him that he's getting a beer belly, because he is. He didn't take too kindly to that, but I pushed on regardless because that's what men do.

I told him that he told me all that stuff while he was drunk, and he went all red and wouldn't look at me. Then I did my own personal bit and told him that while I most certainly am sorry it's not entirely my fault because having a pregnant wife who is crazy at the best of times is bound to take up a lot of your time anyway. I told him that the first few months are also certain to be difficult, but once we get through that all we'll get it to go as close to normal as it possibly could go in this household we live in.

At that point Alice explodes into the room. She was never one for reading atmospheres, but I suppose this was an exception. For one thing, she was actually on her feet and ever since I had taken her out to the doctors she had been making an effort to make herself look nice, so it actually wasn't so bad to see her this time. For another, there was a look in her eyes, on her face, that attracted attention and concern.

She looked at me with wide eyes and said the four words I had been expecting to hear for nine months:

"We have to go."

For once, Gil was a help instead of a hindrance and helped me bundle up a stunned Alice and race her out to the car. This was no simple task, mind you, but hey, men are pretty invincible. We can do almost anything we set our minds to. Except maybe having a baby.

Gil helped me pile Alice into the car. I told him to go round up everyone else and get them to the hospital and to be careful about possible two-woman stampedes when Sharon and Ada find out. Then he told me he was sorry and good luck. We did one of those bro-hug things that you only really see on TV and then Alice, having finally come back to her senses, screamed and slapped urgently on the window, yelling expletives that I wouldn't care to put down here for you. So then I had to get in the car and get her to the hospital where all pregnant women go.

Isn't this going to be fun.


	10. Oz III

When we got to the hospital that doctors wanted to see Alice right away. We sort of knew ever since she started swelling up to twice the normal size that this would be stressful and the doctor said it would probably be best if she was by herself just to start off with, so I waited in the ingeniously named waiting room for the others, and they came along sooner enough. Gil seemed more on edge than usual, Break was standing unusually close to Sharon and shooting glares at any doctor who dared to look at her, Sharon was hanging her head low in shame and Ada was being Ada. I think I almost suffocated when Ada hugged me, or at least cracked two ribs. She was more excited than I was, probably more about the fact that she could tell all these wonderful stories about her niece or nephew at dinner parties all the time once this was over than anything else. Sharon was slightly more contained, Gil was just plain uptight and Break didn't really seem to care less.

We settled down and then I decided to confiscate the camera Break brought because I thought it was creepy. Alice always went on about how weird she thought it was that women actually asked for their births to be filmed. I have to say that I agree with her- it's pretty gross. Anyway, we got talking after a while. I was even more tense than Gil somehow and I kept thinking about Alice in the room. She'd hate it there, with just the strange doctors staring at her and analysing her with the cold, detached efficiency that doctors seemed to have. Gil noticed how I kept looking over at the door and told me to calm my farm and also that I now knew what it felt like to go without cigarettes. Everyone else tried to absorb me in the conversation after that to keep me distracted and after a while I gave in. We got chatting about random things, sort of whatever crossed our minds, and then Ada asked me if I was 'pumped to be a Dad' or something, and that was when I stopped talking. Alice and I hadn't actually talked about it that way over the last nine months. It was always 'the kid', sometimes 'our kid', and sometimes we'd talk about how great it'd be once we moved out into the new house with the kid and stuff but we'd never actually contemplated being parents.

I felt sick. What if I turned out to be no better than my dad? What if Alice took after Glen, the only parent she'd ever known? What if I just failed parenthood altogether? As soon as I started looking at the future that way it seemed so much bigger than it really was. After tonight, it would be my responsibility to raise a kid to be the best he/she could be and be in charge of the welfare of someone else apart from Alice, actually love someone apart from Alice.

But what if tonight didn't go right? What if the kid died? What if… oh God, what if _Alice _died? I felt even worse thinking about either of those things, because even if I hadn't actually met the kid yet, even though I wasn't technically a father yet, I still felt protective of the baby. I didn't want him to get hurt because he was a part of me and Alice and we had both worked our butts off the last nine months to make sure this would go perfectly and we had both agreed that we would work our butts off for as long as we had to to make sure the kid had the best life possible.

I asked if Break would like to get a drink with me. He gave me a queer look and Gil looked hurt, but I brushed it off and lead him out to the water fountain. I asked him if he'd felt this bad when he found out he was going to be a father. For the first time since I've known him he actually smiled genuinely and not in a creepy way and just said, "You'll be great."

Sharon later on told me that he had confessed to her that he had never been particularly fazed when he had been told one of his five wives was pregnant because he was Break and Break rarely cared about anything.

It didn't matter anymore, though, because once we came back into the waiting room everyone was on their feet and looking at a nurse who stood in the middle of a little circle they had all formed. She saw me and opened her mouth to talk but I nodded, taking both my cup and Break's to give to Alice and went through the door into the maternity ward to join Alice.

The heavy door swung shut behind me and I walked a few paces down the corridor before running back on my steps and bursting through the door, screaming something along the lines of "LET'S DO THIS!" and doing a little dance and thus setting off a mini party in the waiting room among the friends who had come to support us. When I moved back into the corridor, the nurse was shaking her head in amusement. I grinned sheepishly and she lead me down the corridor to the room where my first kid would be born.

**A/N: Cliffhanger loves you. 3**


	11. Alice III

I'm not going to go into the details because in all honesty I'm doing what I can to forget them. I seem to remember Oz caught somewhere in between laughing and telling me to be a man and crying and yelling that I was holding his arm too hard, and then I think I just fell asleep right at the end. Can you blame me? Giving birth is hard enough, and having two at once just makes it harder.

Oh, yeah. Did I mention? They're twins, a girl and a boy. Apparently I was in and out of consciousness for about two days after they were born, so I was sort of upset that I had actually missed the first two days of my children's lives but Oz said that no-one blamed me. He said it was pretty messy and it would have been exhausting for anyone. That was when the twins and I were introduced for the first time. God, they're gorgeous. Oz told me he didn't want to name them until I was properly awake, so apparently for the past two days they had been referred to as 'the twins' or 'she' or 'he'. We had already agreed that we wouldn't name the babies after _anyone_- that would just be ridiculously unfortunate for the kid. Oz had been a bit reluctant to rule out the option of calling one of them Oscar, but then I said that there was only one Oscar and that was Uncle Oscar. I think he's still a bit touchy, but if he is he doesn't show it because he seems pretty damn proud right now.

All that aside, though, we did eventually get around to naming them. Maya and Oliver Vessalius. Maya has Oz's hair and my eyes, but Oliver has my hair and Oz's eyes, which I thought was kind of cool. They have virtually the same face, but that could change as they grow up. They're not good for much now except sleeping and eating and staring into space and just generally existing but I just find it adorable. When I was younger, I always went on about how much I hated kids, but now I don't even know how I managed to think something like that. They're perfect.

People came visiting not long after. Gil was bestowed the honour of godfather to Oliver (because he's Oz's best friend) and Sharon became Oliver's godmother (because she's one of the only other people of the female race I let come anywhere near me). Oscar had the place of Maya's godfather from the get-go and after a little bit of debate we agreed to give Ada the spot of aunt and godmother because there was no-one else to have the job. Break got all melodramatic about not having some sort of role in the bringing up of Maya and Oliver but then we just dubbed him Cheshire's godfather to make him happy and left it at that.

Gil's softened up since meeting them. I think he's already selected Oliver to be his favourite because he's his godfather and everything, but as long as he's not smoking or drinking as much as he has been around them I really don't mind. As much as he annoys me, I'm really glad that he and Oz can be friends again. Oz said that Gil said that he thought things would get harder after we had the baby but if anything I think the twins will bring them closer. And as for Sharon and Ada… Let's just say that I'm more than happy that we're moving out of town.

I can't say the same for everyone else, though- most of the others don't want us to go, but Oz and I have already bought the house and we've decided that we'll go as soon as we can, and seeing as the nurses said I'll be out in just a few more days, we'll probably be in the new house sooner rather than later. Sharon and Ada insisted on some kind of house-warming party but Oz fended them off by saying that we had enough stuff that we'd stashed away in the mansion to fill up any house, no matter the size. He then did some more fending off and eventually the ward was empty, except for us and the twins. He was holding Maya and I had Oliver. We didn't say much, but then we didn't have to either. It was just amazing, looking into their little eyes, that _we _had done this. After all this time, after everything, we've come to this and it's just incredible.

We moved into the new house about a week and a bit later. Oliver and Maya are in our room for now but they have a nursery and everything set up. Despite Oz's warnings, everyone else had put in some money and bought me a treadmill to get rid of my baby belly.

The bloody cheeks!

**A/N: TA-DAAA! Thanks for reading and being such a supportive audience, you're all awesome ^^ But I have to say, this may be the last of the **_**She's a Lady **_**series or whatever you want to call it… Don't be disheartened. I had fun writing it and I hope you had fun reading it ^-^**


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